"The Machine" starrer with comedian Bert Kreischer and is based on the true story he has shared many times on stage. Peter Atencio who directed the action comedy that follow Kreischer playing a version of himself, long after the actual events of his comedy with same name. Mark Hamill co-stars in The Machine in his first post-Star Wars live-action role as Bert's estranged father, Albert Sr., who becomes embroiled in his son's criminal past. In the film, father and son are kidnapped by Russian gang members and return to answer for the wild adventure Bert went on 20 years ago.
Bert Kreischer first gained recognition from a Rolling Stone article describing him as a legendary party animal at Florida State University, an article that later inspired the Van Wilder film franchise. Kreischer's stand-up talks about his scandalous past, and his most famous story, "The Machine," chronicles a series of events surrounding a college trip abroad to Russia. This snippet is depicted in a flashback in The Machine with Jimmy Tatro of YouTube and 22 Jump Street fame as a young Bert. While the film's contemporary moments are fictional, the part of The Machine set in the past is true.
In college, Burt Kreischer took Russian classes for two years, largely because of a deal he made with the professor, who would approve as long as he showed up for class. Consequently, and crucially, he only learned a few phrases. The last thing Kreischer needed to do to earn his high school degree was spend a semester abroad in Russia, a task he was more than happy to complete.
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As Kreischer explains in "The Machine," crime families in Russia held a lot of power in the 1990s. As a result, Kreischer's class was assigned two members of the Russian mob for protection during the course of their travels: Igor and Sasha. Kreischer's teacher explained that the men would follow the group wherever they went and told his students not to interact with them.
Despite being told not to speak to Igor and Sasha, Kreischer brought them vodka and beer the first night of the trip. Since he had never actually studied the Russian language, he memorized a greeting that included a line about how much he liked to party. When he opened the door, he found himself facing a room full of gangsters.
The fish-out-of-water moment was too much for him, and he immediately forgot his prepared line. Instead, he uttered, "Ya machine!" which translates as I am the machine! After a second, the Russian mobsters raised their glasses and cheered: "He's the machine!" From that moment, Kreischer was the best friend of Igor and Sasha, and they only referred to him as "The Machine". In addition to spending his party trip with the two men, Kreischer also participated in a pool hall scam and boat robbery.
Kreischer joined his classmates on a trip to Moscow, but not only was that city run by a different family, the mafia that controlled the train was yet another. Before leaving, Igor and Sasha introduced Kreischer to the class's new mob chaperones, who immediately made their way to "The Machine". Kreischer was invited up to first class, while the rest of the students sat in the carriage, and he proceeded to drink vodka with the mobsters and the train conductor.
When the alcohol supply ran out, the group went to the train's bar car to get more vodka, as well as bread, cheese, and, to Kreischer's surprise, rubles. Basically, he had been tricked into stealing the bar cart. Once it was dark, Kreischer joined his new friends as they robbed passengers' luggage, including their classmates' suitcases. The next morning, his teacher woke Kreischer up and told him the police had been called and officers were outside waiting for him.
Before Kreischer could get to his feet to leave, the mobsters stopped him and said they'd take care of it. Kreischer saw his friends get out of it and yell at the police in front of his entire class. Eventually, Kreischer was told to come outside to speak to the police himself. One of the officers grabbed him, looked him in the eye, and asked, "Are you the Machine?" When Kreischer said yes, the officer approached him and said, "Tonight, party with us!"
Bert Kreischer's stand-up routine often ends with the role at the Moscow train station. He occasionally adds an epilogue or embellishments to the story to keep it fresh, but
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